Then it goes slightly sour.
E. shares the story of her daughter Z.
Z has always been a bit weird with low self-esteem. She is quite involved with the feminist movement and has some double standards on what people cannot say (i.e. sexist remarks) and what she can say (i.e. insults). She had recently some issues with her father and brother. She shared with her mum that she felt that her relatives were sexist and she did not feel comfortable around them. E. feels that on one hand her daughter may be mixing some of her past personal issues with her dad and brother with the feminist narrative. On the other hand, she feels remarks that may not be appropriate needs to be confronted.
Z has always been a bit weird with low self-esteem. She is quite involved with the feminist movement and has some double standards on what people cannot say (i.e. sexist remarks) and what she can say (i.e. insults). She had recently some issues with her father and brother. She shared with her mum that she felt that her relatives were sexist and she did not feel comfortable around them. E. feels that on one hand her daughter may be mixing some of her past personal issues with her dad and brother with the feminist narrative. On the other hand, she feels remarks that may not be appropriate needs to be confronted.
She discussed with her son and husband. The son recognised that he probably went a bit too far. He was upset and words got muddled. The father on his side is on the defensive and try to detract the conversation on another topic.
The other topic is '' why muslim women in a niqab wear make up? Isn't it because they still want to attract the male gaze''.
The first reaction of my three girlfriends is that he is being sexist. On my side, I am like no - he is just being on the defensive and ignorant. If you pay attention to the question, it could be the beginning of quite a in-depth debate between two people.
Here comes the shock, I do not agree with their interpretation. To convince me, they use examples of women who suffer traumas from men (i.e. rape) to compare and explain why his comments is inappropriate. They said - well you know 1 in 3 women are victim of rape, his comment is a bit like if you are wearing a skirt and you are getting rape is your fault''
I am like ''do not borrow the traumas of women who suffer at the hands of criminals to justify your own personal vendetta against men. This is just plain Cray-Cray. Men and women criminals exist and they remain the minority in this world. so get over yourself. His comment is nothing like a crime. It may be offending to some but it is not worth labelling him as a sexist.''
Then as the conversation went on, I realise that their own negative personal experiences with men were muddled up with feminist narrative. Their own feelings that they were no good enough for society compared to men made them forget about all the privileges they have compared to them. They also forgot how similar they were to ''the other''. They said to me that men were not able to deal with their feelings and emotions and I was like.. ''well the main reason we are meeting right now is because we were not able to tackle our feelings on our own. so why are you saying that you are better than them.''
The conversation went on and on. They were sorry to make me feel isolated and in the corner. I told them straight, I am not a victim. We are having an adult conversation about a clear issue of misandry disguised under the narrative of feminism. You seem to not like men. For you, men are the plague of women in the way they speak and behave themselves. I do not share your view. They are beautiful. Our focus should be in giving them greater opportunity to be sharing their lives with us and their children instead of sending them away to work everyday. So you can get to know each other more and stop your non-sense''
