The Queen and I - resting in peace - Sue Townsend and the Queen in conversation

September 8, 2022 - a normal day.

I am sitting at my desk. Merlin arrived, ready to help me dismantle the display for the Queen and I, art & craft project. Survivors of childhood sexual abuse at Quetzal created the display to celebrate the Queen's Jubilee, honoured our late patron Sue Townsend and showcased their talents.

As we dismantled the display, we discussed the possibility of reusing the artworks when the Queen will pass. Little did we know that it would be on the same day.

For Merlin, the 8th of September is a special day full of celebration with the birth of the Virgin Mary and in her hometown back in India, they also had a full day of celebration. As she shared with me the meaning of the day, I thought, yes it is a special day.

I returned home under the heavy thunderstorms, entered home, took off my shoes, and walked up the stairs to greet my husband. He announced that the Queen passed. I could not help it. I shed a tear for her family. 

Later, I wondered what conversation the Queen and Sue Townsend will have looking from heaven upon us watching the various 'isms' at war.

Q: It was all a dream

S: Oh yes, that's was. You had a good one, didn't you?

Q: it all depends on which trees you are sitting on...

S: Yes, some of your people put trees in the shade, can't forget hell close, what a doomed place to sit on a tree

Q: I did ask if they could move them, but even when the Queen asks...

S: they don't always listen, do they?

Q: Well, they are not as deaf as one may think.

S: Thick, dare I say?

Q: they can eventually be smooth over

S: With a lot of asking

Q: Yes, wit, patience and intelligence

S: Is Charles III up to the tasks?

Q: yes, as well as all of my subjects

S: Let's pray that they keep on dreaming and restrain themselves from turning their present into a nightmare

Q: may god save them all...

The 7 Vital Self-Check Heath Program by Jonry Heyce

A good friend and writer, Jonry Heyce, recently published ''The 7 Vital Self-Check Heath Program''and invited me to listen to it on Audible.

The author clarifies some key terms such as self-efficacy, self-discipline, self-esteem, self-love and provides examples as to how we sometimes sabotage ourselves to live fulfilling lives and what we need to do, such as practising mindfulness. to always come back to love, care and kindness towards ourselves and others.

As the author mentioned and clarified the term self-efficacy, a concept originally proposed by psychologist Albert Bandura. It refers to the belief in their capacity to execute behaviours necessary to produce specific performance attainments, I could not stop thinking about my doctoral experience and belief in my capacity to complete the programme. Oh my, when your self-esteem is at a bottom of the bucket, that all the parts of you feel under scrutiny and judged by the demons of the past, you fall into the worst of habits. I won't tell you what happened there...

It is a responsibility to practise mindfulness, to come back to love and appreciation, to be compassionate towards oneself, stay present, true to oneself and others. It demands sacrifices. You have to kill the person who finds it easier to stop believing in themselves, blame their situation on others and circumstances and ask to be cared for, saved as if they were vulnerable.

It takes maturity, foresight and constant practice. A Happy, Successful Life is a Choice - a choice to believe in our capacity to create it and execute all the behaviours that will attain it.

The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod

 My colleague A. came back from the holidays sharing how a book changed her life for the better. She entered the world of Miracle Morning. She wakes up miraculously every day at 5am happier, healthier, more successful, with more energy.

A trick of the mind

I am sure.

Out of curiosity, I pick up the book to find out what are the 6 best habits that transform the lives of millions before 8am.

In A Day, The Book is read and dusted with the main key learnings.

Wake Up at 5am and Embrace Life S.A.V.E.R.S. (silence, affirmation, visualisations, exercise, reading, scribbling)

My favourite part of the book was reading The Miracle Morning Mission:

"Change one million lives, one morning at a time"

A percentage of the royalties for each copy of the book is given to charities and non-for-profit organisations.

I am inspired.

Living at The Plaza Hotel

I indulged once more this year with opening Eloise by Kay Thompson - what a dream to plunge right into the world of this precious little girl who lives at The Plaza Hotel - a theatre where people come and go to experience what is a luxury while our little girl lives luxury every day because she is.

''Cabbage makes great hat'' she says and her mother knows Coco Chanel.

How wonderful to have this confidence and trust in one opinion and no one to tell you that you are prejudiced to believe in a dream and follow your desire such as pouring a jug of water in the hotel mailbox, just because you can.

I wish everyone to find their inner Eloise: talk to Martians one day, be a dragon or giant another, a mother of 40 children or a doctor. Make also your home, a place of fete and play where everyone is fabulous and loving, leaving you to do whatever you want!

King Kong Theory by Virginie Despentes and the Use of Language

What a pleasure to be shaken by the poetry of a person. Virginie Despentes poetry is raw, harsh, vulgar and abrasive. I discovered that we can write and speak like that, still, be whole - a whole woman that is loved and revered - or in the patriarchal world, a target to stamp on fingers, tongue or vision because it is not (a) lady-like-(we want in this world) - pure injustice.

About King Kong Theory on Wikipedia

Language... Upbringing in different social classes and education give different opportunities for exploration in the depth and breadth of language. 

When first arriving in the UK, I could not speak English fluently and worked with other foreigners in large warehouses full of computers and/or clothes: picking, packing and controlling stocks over day/night shifts. My uniform, a yellow vest, t-shirt, jeans and work boots. I even drove a PPT moving pallet across the shop floor. After a year, working in this environment, I succeeded an English test to start university. In this first year, I made friends there and then, and did my best to pick up the language, be understood and liked. Swearing words were my go-to - to fill the gaps, express my emotions and make people laugh. One day, I got stamped on by the men at uni I believed 'loved' me:  'you are so rude' they said, it is not ladylike, they said, 'you need to watch your language', they said, 'do not speak to us like that' -

Which lady are they talking about?

I chiselled my language - worked harder at writing and speaking Lady-Like English. Would it be ever perfect? and Perfect for who? Them, Me? Context Matter

What about having a release:

Shit...

Fuck...

Shit...

Fuck...

Stupid...

Shit...

Fuck...

Stupid...

Dick...

Man, Shut the Fuck Up Stupid and Leave Me alone Dickhead

Eat my Shit

(hahaha)

Thank you Virginie Despentes

We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie - Review

''A great short read and I thank already the person who made me read it''

 

Released in 2016, the book is a very short adaptation of the TED talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie of the same name. She talks of her experience of sexism growing up in Nigeria and how it has affected her life. It discusses why we still need feminism and why each and every person should be a feminist.

My cousin, french-born, of Ivory Coast origin, black educated young woman handed the 50-page long book along with another stack of books about feminism and declared: ''this small book is a great introduction to feminism''. She was surprised that I have not read any of those after sharing my thoughts around gender, race and class. I tend to use the lens of convivialism as opposed to feminism in my philosophical exchange. 

I remember discussing with a researcher an academic position I was seeking and the lecturer made it clear that they were looking for someone who is a feminist and she asked: you are a feminist, don't you? I was slightly taken aback by the question. Am I a feminist? and What does that mean?

In my search for answers, I read many articles, books, ended up watching amongst other documentaries: the Red Pill A Feminist Journey in the Male Right Movement? My feminist research journey pretty much stopped there afterwards. I was disenchanted by the exacerbated violence between men and women for power. I wanted to be enthused by the friendships, collaboration and care between men and women for a fairer world tinted by equality, love and justice.

Reading this short introduction over the Christmas period gave me some good renewed perks as my dream for a fairer world remains. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie ask:

''I would like to ask that we begin to dream about and plan for a different world. A fairer world. A world of happier men and happier women who are truer to themselves. And this is how to start: we must raise our daughters differently. We must also raise our sons differently . . .''

Are you dreaming too?

The formula as you enter the chamber

Here it is, your first day at work. You enter the chamber. No one notice you. There are all busying talking to one another. It is a networking event. You do not know anyone apart from your boss. He is busy chatting up with who you assume is one of your colleagues.
What to do?
You are a competent, warm person you tell yourself, walk up to your boss and say hello. The machine will start spinning from there. Or grab anyone and start up the conversation. It is an opportunity to start forming alliances in this competitive room. How to do it?

Maurice Schweitzer, Ph.D. and Adam Galinsky, Ph.D. suggest in their book ''Friend and Foe'' that the scientific formula to gaining people's trust more quickly is to strike a balance between warmth and competence - so that you seem credible but also human.

Introduce your talent, keep smiling and be genuinely interested in what the person is sharing with you. It will take you places.

Snowball, non-violent civil disobedience campaign in the UK

It was at first difficult to get into 'Snowball, the story of an non-violent civil disobedience campaign in the UK'. The first few chapters highlight the purpose of the campaign (nuclear disarmement) and provide information on the spreading of american military operation in the UK. I was uplifted though by the campaigners' sense of responsibility in breaking the law for the protection of our planet and residents. The book was written in the 80's but as the war still strive in our world, I cannot stop hearing some echoes.

Some Links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angie_Zelter
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civil_disobedience
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Snowball-non-violent-disobedience-Campaign-Britain/dp/B0000EENUH

The Jackal & The Giraffe

The jackal barks and makes a lot of noise. It wants to be heard. I wants to be understood. The bark is high-pitched, repetitive and forlorn. It stands guard letting me know that there is something going on within. It barks to get through the barriers, to be noticed 'Come give me the love, acceptance and appreciation that I so want'. Instead of coming closer, people run away or bark back.
'That's not what I want' say the Jackal. The disappointment turns to anger.
'How could I be so stupid to ask for friendship? I should have known better' bark the Jackal.

The giraffe stretches its long neck and views the whole picture. It can see the filters through which we talk, it can see over the filters through which we listen. The giraffe listens and talks with its big heart. When the giraffe talks it has kindness and compassion. 'I understand that I am trying my best, I can see the need I have for intimacy, I respect my feelings of insecurity. From here I can see where people are coming from, where they would like to go. I can see their need for quiet and time alone' say the giraffe.

Extract fron Looby Macnamara - People & Permaculture