Freedom Time - Revisited

September is always a special month. It is the beginning of the artistic season. In our family, it was always the month when my father would also present a new production.

For the first time, In September, this year, I am delivering a show - an exhibition to be exact called Stories of Change. 

My brother is also opening the season with.a play called Catch! at Le Theatre de La Tempete directed by Clement Poiree and I shall join him in October to watch him.

The old man would be proud!

So yes, I feel supra connected to him this month at so many different levels.

On the 6th September 2018, I wrote an article called Freedom Time - We heard you.  about a message my father passed to me and my mother in his cloud. The article included my response to his message.

He said: 'Why do you stay at home? You and Marie Toto. You have to come out of the house sometimes if you want to start collaborating with people.''

My response in summary was "at home I can be the whole me'', yet finished the article by saying that '' I heard you and I'll come out of my shell more, get my voice heard and become as organised as those waging the war of minds''

Now, I can say that I can collaborate from home, got my voice heard and that both inside and outside I am whole.

I pleased to say that a lot has changed since writing this article in my psyche and spirit. It is nice though to be reminded that our place for both my mother and I is outside of our house so we can find new collaboration to get our story and ideas to be heard.

Not at home...

Listen Lauryn Hill, Freedom Time

Mother yourself with Kindness and Compassion - A Cinderella Story

Cinderella is my favourite Disney Princess Movie of all time. 

Why?

Despite the trauma of losing both her parents at a young age and being abused by both her stepmother and stepsisters, she remains kind, compassionate and strong completing all her chores with a positive spirit. She finds refuge in fantasy and by dreaming of a better life, she takes great care of those around her who return her favours. She is not even looking for the Prince Charming or for someone to save her, she is waiting for all her dreams to become reality. At the time when she almost lost all hopes after her stepsisters viciously attack her, she materialises a fantasy - the fairy godmother - who washes her tears and make her dream come true: to go to the ball and have a magical experience. At the ball, the prince finds her meandering in the hall and approach her for a dance. 

The dance with the Prince gives her an opportunity to dream furthermore about a complete different life made of love and delight. 

When she comes back to her home, her stepmother notices her day-dreaming dancing and twirling as she remembers her night. The Stepmother do her best to squash her dream by locking her into her room and stop her spirit shine through and bring forth all her desires. When the Prince helpers come to the house to try the shoes, Cinderella takes action to claim her dream with the help of all her spirited friends - so she can come out of the room and show that she has the glass delicate slipper.

The glass slippers are a reminder that as delicate, fragile our dream can be, as long as we walk in their direction, they will eventually come true.

Children

I am glad we postponed the idea of having a child. I was able to work, study and expand my mind with many different thoughts and thinking, nourish my soul with many different perspectives, engage with many different activities and go through an healing process that will benefit generations. I am now able to have deep conversation with people and this is not limited to nappies, boobs and poops, and the trauma that goes with it. 

I am now in the process of bringing my children into this world and oh they are going to be some healthy magical beings who will transform our lives and this world for the better.

Are you Ready To Love?

What I learnt from watching the 4th season of Ready to Love

- know yourself

- be clear about what you are looking for

- be open to the opportunities that come your way

- to love someone, you first need to love yourself, be secured so nothing outside of yourself can sway you away

- give space to the other person to grow and flourish

- listen properly

- be in touch with your emotions so you can better address situations and be present when love is available for grab

All the best for all the contestants, I wish you to find love 💘

Scared to change - the opposite is true part

I lose relationships. It is the beginning of new possibilities for change.
I control, manipulate so that only the people who are ready to change stay. I deceive, reject so that only the people who want to stay, stay.
I am decisive in the way I deal with others. I always play my parts so they can grow.
I love transforming. I allow myself to lose any parts of who I am so a new side of myself may emerge. I know when this happens, it creates havoc in people's lives so they realise that they have to change too. I deliberately choose to be whatever I need to be so I can grow and evolve as well as all the people around me! It is unsafe, risky, naughty. I love it, it makes me so happy, I am meeting everyone's expectations and beyond. I am experiencing deep relationships with people who stay, I am opening new doors to opportunities. Those who underestimate me, better watch out, I will force them to find their path to happiness there.

Scared to change - the opposite is true part 1 #relationships #opposite #truelove #fear

I fear losing relationships.
For those reasons, I can be controlling, manipulating to keep them and/or I can also be deceiving and rejecting people so I do not have to go through the heartache of losing them.
It makes me quite indecisive in the way I deal with others. Shall I play along or shall I not?
The unfortunate thing is that I also act out of fear with parts of myself. I do not allow myself to evolve because I am scared of what will emerge, I am scared that the real me will create havoc in people lives and make it worse, I am scared of myself. So I choose deliberately to be small, insignificant, ugly, unreliable, poor, untrustworthy, lazy. I do love to be all those things. It is safer for everyone, Yet, weirdly enough, it also makes me unhappy that I am not meeting some of partners expectations. I am losing those relationships, I am closing doors to opportunities. Those who believe that I am so much more than what I chose to be. I create Havoc there.
It appears that I am never going to make anyone happy anyway.
The only person that I can make happy is myself.

Read Part 2

The encounter

Sunday afternoon,
The diary says that she needs to be at her certain place at a certain time to meet with some people. She is also required to bring something to eat. She jumps into the car and goes to her local store. There she walks straight to the reduced section.
In front of her, a man, late 40s, blond hair, broad shoulders. She freezes. She knows that man. She does not know what to do. Say hello. Smile awkwardly. She turns around, grabs the first packet of crisps she can. She is hoping he did not see her. She can hear his voice talking to the cashier. She has a hat on, she s unrecognisable. She walks hastily to the car, gets in. She waits for him to leave. No encounter. We are all saved.

Her body could not lie, she is connected to him for life. It was a gentle reminder that love s everywhere to be found

Is it a worthy battle to re-engage with those you have pushed away

This morning I ask myself whether I could make peace with all those I pushed away. Is it a worthy battle to engage in. Do I still need them in my presence now? My heart tells me that what was done taught me many things. I need to accept the learning and move forward. If the chance is given to me, I will meet the people I rejected again and we will be able to make peace there and then.

First kiss

When did you first fell in love? What happened? My first love was Jeremy a sweet love until we were shamed in front of the whole class for inappropriate behaviour. We kissed

Criticism of Utilitarianism - link

https://www.utilitarian.org/criticisms.html
http://www.webpages.uidaho.edu/jcanders/ethics/outline_of_some_classic_criticis.htm

Problem: Consider the following two cases:

1. Elderly Aunt Molly is ill. Nephew Tom visits her and helps her because he loves her. Nephew Bob visits her and helps her because he hopes to be rewarded in her will. Nephew Dave visits her and helps her not because he desires to help but because he believes it is his duty. (Modified Version of case by Bowie and Beauchamp, Ethical Theory in Business (Englewood Cliffs: Prentice-Hall, 1979) 16-17.

2. A two-year-old is drowning. Ruth flings caution aside because she desires to save the child and jumps in, but she cannot swim. Thus, she fails to save the child. Sue can swim, but is afraid that the child will pull her under. She does not save the child.

The consequences were the same in each case, but the motives of the agents were different. According to utilitarianism, each person's action was of the same value. Shouldn't other features such as an act being motivated by obedience to a law of the state, a religious obligation of loving the neighbor, or a natural love of and concern for others count?

B. Response:

(1) "...the motive has nothing to do with the morality of the action, though much with the worth of the agent (Mill, "Utilitarianism," Chapter 2 in Solomon and Martin, 322)." Consideration of motives is relevant to judging the worth of persons, but not actions. Utilitarians are "aware that a right action does not necessarily indicate a virtuous character, and that actions which are blameable often proceed from qualities entitled to praise (Mill in Solomon and Martin, 333)." "...in the long run the best proof of a good character is good actions; (Mill in Solomon and Martin, 333)."

(2) Often when motives are used as a standard, what is really involved are emotional reactions of approval of disapproval that vary from person to person or obedience to different understandings of what God or conscience requires. Thus, the same action, when motives are considered, might be judged to be right and wrong at the same place and time as with helping Aunt Molly.

(3) Another problem exists when we transfer our approval of consequences to motives. The same motive in another case, however, might lead to negative consequences as in the example below.

(4) A counter example to the case of Aunt Molly is when the motive is the same, but the consequences differ. Bentham invites us to consider the motive of self-preservation. It leads to bad consequences, if it leads you to kill the only witness to your crime. Good consequences, if it leads you to fight heroically in defense of your country in a noble cause, etc. 

Non repair is immoral. The motivation to not repair because of fear has to do more with the worth of the agent than how immoral it is to not repair.

Killing someone is immoral. killing someone because of money has to do with the with the person worth not the action
Using the motivation as standard confuse us in determining what is the right or wrong action a. it clouds our judgement because we find that people's emotional approval or disapproval varies depending of their circumstances.

Do not borrow the traumas of others to justify your own personal vendetta against men

An evening like no others with 3 girlfriends talking about life, how we feel etc.

Then it goes slightly sour.

E. shares the story of her daughter Z.

Z has always been a bit weird with low self-esteem. She is quite involved with the feminist movement and has some double standards on what people cannot say (i.e. sexist remarks) and what she can say (i.e. insults). She had recently some issues with her father and brother. She shared with her mum that she felt that her relatives were sexist and she did not feel comfortable around them. E. feels that on one hand her daughter may be mixing some of her past personal issues with her dad and brother with the feminist narrative. On the other hand, she feels remarks that may not be appropriate needs to be confronted.

She discussed with her son and husband. The son recognised that he probably went a bit too far. He was upset and words got muddled. The father on his side is on the defensive and try to detract the conversation on another topic.

The other topic is '' why muslim women in a niqab wear make up? Isn't it because they still want to attract the male gaze''.

The first reaction of my three girlfriends is that he is being sexist. On my side, I am like no - he is just being on the defensive and ignorant. If you pay attention to the question, it could be the beginning of quite a in-depth debate between two people.

Here comes the shock, I do not agree with their interpretation. To convince me, they use examples of women who suffer traumas from men (i.e. rape) to compare and explain why his comments is inappropriate. They said - well you know 1 in 3 women are victim of rape, his comment is a bit like if you are wearing a skirt and you are getting rape is your fault''

I am like ''do not borrow the traumas of women who suffer at the hands of criminals to justify your own personal vendetta against men. This is just plain Cray-Cray. Men and women criminals exist and they remain the minority in this world. so get over yourself. His comment is nothing like a crime. It may be offending to some but it is not worth labelling him as a sexist.''

Then as the conversation went on, I realise that their own negative personal experiences with men were muddled up with feminist narrative. Their own feelings that they were no good enough for society compared to men made them forget about all the privileges they have compared to them. They also forgot how similar they were to ''the other''. They said to me that men were not able to deal with their feelings and emotions and I was like.. ''well the main reason we are meeting right now is because we were not able to tackle our feelings on our own. so why are you saying that you are better than them.''

The conversation went on and on. They were sorry to make me feel isolated and in the corner. I told them straight, I am not a victim. We are having an adult conversation about a clear issue of misandry disguised under the narrative of feminism. You seem to not like men. For you, men are the plague of women in the way they speak and behave themselves. I do not share your view. They are beautiful. Our focus should be in giving them greater opportunity to be sharing their lives with us and their children instead of sending them away to work everyday. So you can get to know each other more and stop your non-sense''

What to do when your family do not agree with your career choice

Just do it.

but please, do not do it prove them wrong or try to gain their approval later down the line. 

You may never get it

Just do it because it makes you happy.

Do not talk about your goals with them, it will make them upset for no reasons.

Focus on you ought to do

The Wedding

Year prior to the due date

Groom: I want to marry you.

Bride: I want to marry you too

Parents: You can only marry if you convert.

Groom: I will.

Bride: He will

Parents: We shall see

Months prior to the due date

He does

She is pleased

They are pleased yet suspicious of its intentions

Two weeks before the wedding

The groom gets a piercing

Two days before the wedding

The groom arrives at the house of the bride's parents to bring the dowry with a piercing in his nose

The family horrified do not say a thing but passes the message to the wedding organisers so they can speak to the bride. The bride is tasked to talk to her future husband to not wear the piercing at the wedding.

Wedding day

The groom arrives at the reception hall with the piercing in his nose. 

The lead organisers are boiling inside.

They talk to the bride, she is boiling inside. 

She has not talked to her husband.

The lead organisers take the courage to take him on a side.

He is told that if he does not take off his piercing, the ceremony cannot happen.

He takes off the piece of jewellery with resistance.

The ceremony happens.

The ceremony finishes

he puts back the piercing on.

All is well.

I am because we are full of conflicts

Compromise is living with I

There is nothing worse than to compromise your sleep for the sake of relationships.
Yet, we do it all the time.
Look at the baby crying, the baby snoring, the baby wetting their bed.
Look at the phone flashing light, beeping and ringing in the morning light
The other, baby child or adult, the other, machine or gadget,  can be a monster in our life.
Well, get over it.
To live full stop is a compromise to make with I.

Phone addiction - No Solution for that - Only a discussion

Phone addiction is real and can wreck relationships

Google - My spouse can't get off of his phone onto google. You will be surprised by the number of hits for that particular sentence. Men and Women are complaining about their spouses spending more time with lovey Iphone, Sexy Samsung and Cheeky Sony than them.

So what is the solution to that particular problem?

Well, there is no magic pill to end an addiction to a phone.

The conversation around phone addiction shall not be about looking for a solution. 

It should be about humanity and its relationship with technology and other human beings. 

We have to find a consensus on what is the role of technology in our lives and if they are detrimental to our progress, we should question their existence and/or their features. Personally, if technology incites division, isolation, addiction, argument, dispute and possibly hatred, well bin it.

Freedom Time - We heard you.

My father is both its state of consciousness and unconsciousness.
He has Lewy Body Dementia.
He has wisdom though in his cloud.
I pay very close attention to what he says before he goes.

I had my mother on the phone. She narrated her last encounter with him.

He said: ''Why do you stay at home? You and Marle Toto. You have to come out of the house sometimes if you want to start collaborating with people.''

She replied: how do you know that your daughter and I stay at home?

He disappeared.

As my mum narrated what happened, I heard him.

Yes, I enjoy working from home.

I can be the whole me.

No need to engage in the war of the minds, be dominated by any isms in the form of community cohesion or for some the doctrine of religion,  no need to conform to any vision or listen to the tell-a-vision. Drink and eat to please when you already full of aspirations.

Yet, I heard him.

It is Freedom time now.

Time to free ourselves from the shackles of convention and shout out loud what we truly believe in so together we can all progress.

To do so, achieving freedom comes with a cost, you have to be as organised as the people in war and come out of your shell.

I have listened to you, father, and will go out there more for my voice to be heard.

So we should all.

Listen Lauryn Hill, Freedom Time

Noticing emotional abuse and doing something about it

It did not occur to you that you could be possibly abused by the people you love.

Scenario 1 you are already in your bubble of low self esteem. something is not good enough, you are the one to blame by your next of kin with inappropriate comments,  you throw a tantrum, they tell you to grow up and you reflect on your behaviour rationalise it all and say you are sorry and that you will do everything to change.  Then it repeats itself until you do all the cleaning, children rearing and for some reasons you are still not good enough. Poor you, you are such a victim.

Scenario 2 you are busy doing something for yourself,  someone come into your space and tell you that they need your help, they even manipulate you saying that you'll be able to work on ur stuff later, that they really need you to drop them to see their sick mum or to look after their kids cos they need to go to a party, you want to say no but you say yes because you don't want them to think that you are not a nice person. When your turn comes to ask for help, no one is there and you wonder I helped everyone but no one cares for me and my problems and you start blaming them to not being nice to you. Poor you, you are a victim.

Just stop it, happiness cannot be reach by being nice all the time, you have to be angry sometimes to confront irrespectuous and blood sucking relationships. Set your boundaries and experience joyfullness a once you've reached your goals.

Be a badass and ensure no one get in a way of your greater purpose.

Ayn Rand - the romantic manifesto

There are two aspects of man’s existence which are the special province and expression of his sense of life: love and art.

I am referring here to romantic love, in the serious meaning of that term — as distinguished from the superficial infatuations of those whose sense of life is devoid of any consistent values, i.e., of any lasting emotions other than fear. Love is a response to values. It is with a person’s sense of life that one falls in love — with that essential sum, that fundamental stand or way of facing existence, which is the essence of a personality. One falls in love with the embodiment of the values that formed a person’s character, which are reflected in his widest goals or smallest gestures, which create the style of his soul — the individual style of a unique, unrepeatable, irreplaceable consciousness. It is one’s own sense of life that acts as the selector, and responds to what it recognizes as one’s own basic values in the person of another. It is not a matter of professed convictions (though these are not irrelevant); it is a matter of much more profound, conscious and subconscious harmony.

Many errors and tragic disillusionments are possible in this process of emotional recognition, since a sense of life, by itself, is not a reliable cognitive guide. And if there are degrees of evil, then one of the most evil consequences of mysticism — in terms of human suffering — is the belief that love is a matter of “the heart,” not the mind, that love is an emotion independent of reason, that love is blind and impervious to the power of philosophy. Love is the expression of philosophy — of a subconscious philosophical sum — and, perhaps, no other aspect of human existence needs the conscious power of philosophy quite so desperately. When that power is called upon to verify and support an emotional appraisal, when love is a conscious integration of reason and emotion, of mind and values, then — and only then — it is the greatest reward of man’s life.

“PHILOSOPHY AND SENSE OF LIFE”

The Romantic Manifesto, 32

Child of artists

I was born in a family of artists where paintings and theatre plays danced together throughout the night. In my first home, the walls from time to time will display new colours. I always admired art appearing on the walls of our buzzing home. My second home was the theatre. I always love the sight, smell and sound of the rehearsals. My favourite moment in a theatre is when the light goes off and that you know you cannot come out until the play is over.
Growing up, I became petrified that my own art will be judged as insignificant compared to my parents. It has taken a lot of time and crafts to have pride in my work and for me to take over my own world. I met mentors along the way who helped me to become what I am today channelling my vulnerabilities towards greater schemes. I am forever grateful. I thank my parents to have open my eyes to opportunities. They have managed with almost none or little education to create a world of their own. A beautiful one. Sometimes, I wish that they would have shown me earlier on how to create my own. At the same time, their laissez faire attitude forced me to find my own solutions, fending for myself. It will all pay off at the end.

Tell us your experience as an artist's child

How might we inspire young people to cultivate their Creative Confidence

Tom and David Kelly asked on Open Ideo how might we inspire young people to cultivate their creative confidence. This was my answer

As young children, we are all creative. We draw sing, build, and dream. Life is Easy. All we need is food (or fuel) and a space to express ourself and more significantly time to be with ourself. Yet somewhere along the way, we get lost and make life a little harder for ourself because we think with our head and eyes rather than with our heart . 

Maybe we forgot the simple act of 

• breathing or 
• The joy of being 
• playing with our friends and 
• the sweet sound of laughing, 
• the meaning of freedom, 
• closing our eyes and sleeping in the middle of the afternoon with no feeling of guilt

I do believe creative confidence develop itself through renunciation of the high perception we have of ourselves in the eyes of others. Renunciation is an expression of creativity. Creativity and innovation is an act of renunciation. It is by letting it go that we can be who we truly are. 

Who are we? 

Children express themselves well through their creativity. Indeed, they are just an idea. While growing up, we can become rigid, especially if abused. the revelation of the true self can be harmed by the influence of others, their jealousy, their agenda, their reflection, their unconscious Machiavellianism. Beauty is innocent and easily shredded. So for some, hiding it and being nothing is safer That was me.

Have you ever tried to close your eyes, let go of your daily life, worries and look into yourself. You will see absolutely nothing. Indeed you are just an idea, you are flexible and free of being whatever you wish to be. Consequently have we been impose an idea of who we are by society and forgot our true nature?

Reminding ourselves  of our true nature is most possibly the best way forward.