Being a Mixed-Raced Post-Doctorate following the Murder of George Floyd

A reflection from a Mixed Raced Black Post-Doctorate who started since July 2019  a discussion with her academic institution about race-based trauma and the experience of BAME academics, and how the murder of George Floyd prompted more actions and reflections on the role of university in supporting BAME staff and students as her first attempt for a productive exchange failed through.

When George Floyd died, the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement grew, all the news and social media platforms became a constant noise of information related to systemic racism, police brutality and wishes for a better world. I wondered what would be my role and contribution.

I am very fortunate to work for a trauma-informed charity in Leicester that trains and informs their staff and volunteers about how events outside of our control can trigger emotions around unprocessed trauma. So, my first move was to take care of my mental health. Subsequently, I chose not to attend any protests as I was not sure how I would react, and I have a duty of care towards myself first and all those I serve.

I decided instead to reflect upon my Ph.D experience and the process I went through to engage with the Equality and Diversity team at Loughborough University. 

To give more insight, a year almost passed since my Viva at Loughborough University (June 2019). I completed a doctorate contributing to the field of Design for Sustainable Behaviour, Repair and the Circular Economy. A year almost passed too since I engaged with the Equality and Diversity team at my university to share with them my Ph.D experience as a Mixed-Raced Woman (July 2019). My testimony reflected upon how the Ph.D process can trigger unprocessed race-based trauma amongst BAME students and provided some recommendations for the university to make both their staff and students more trauma-informed.

Yet, in June 2020, I still did not get any face-to-face audience with the staff team from the Equality and Diversity Team. 

For me who was born and bred in Europe, and a product of the love from a White French Man and Black Ivorian Woman, I believe that the pain in my veins is invisible to most outsiders, especially my white counterparts. I also recognise that for a long time, I ignored how I felt.  I integrated the abuse related to the colour of my skin I experienced from a young age up to adulthood as normal, and had developed some maladaptive coping mechanisms to deal with stress. Thanks to the Ph.D experience where the worst in me was triggered, I was able to reflect upon my lived experience. I also learnt healthier coping mechanisms to deal with difficult situations. Thanks to my new work place, I have a deeper insight around trauma, and the care they provide for their staff makes me an even more efficient researcher. 

When I saw on Twitter, a statement from Loughborough University about the death of George Floyd and an invitation to contact the ACS Welfare and Education officer. I contacted her and shared with her my concerns about the Equality and Diversity Team and my experience.

Although we had some ongoing communication with the Equality and Diversity team, we haven't met and I want to believe that it is because of other priorities as opposed to being ignored. I was also surprised to learn through the email exchange we had that there were no clear process on how to deal with testimonies from BAME students. It surprised me. The reason why it surprised me is in part because Loughborough University trained me as a researcher and so I expected the Equality and Diversity team to have a methodology to meet one of their main aim which is to improve BAMER staff and student experience at the University. Subsequently, I expected them to collect those experiences, analyse them and provide recommendations to improve their experience, even to develop some case studies and use them to create some discussion with existing staff.

How do you want to tackle systemic racism or to support students and staff's mental heath, if there is no integrated strategy amongst universities to provide a platform to stop hiding both current and non-recent racial abuse, and to educate their members about decolonisation processes?

When I came to academia, my concern was about how to get prosumers to care for their electrical items. My motivation came from my connections to my ancestors and their children who lived through colonisation and decolonisation, and who are still as of now using their energy and resources to support our comfort and life design aspirations. I also wanted to advance my academic career, and inspire my afro-pean community to follow suite, especially women. I did not have any insights on the black academic experience. I just knew that we were not many. I was always the only mixed race in my class so this did not make much difference to my perception. Though, if I knew how much pain black academics went through and how they dealt with difficult situations, I wonder how different my Ph.D experience would have been, equipped with the knowledge that my reactions may be a call for help. I believe it is where the responsibility of the university lay in their duty of care towards students and staff with a BAMER background who may be dealing with with relentless stress and anxiety related to some unprocessed emotions.

I sent my original testimony with the added two pages reflection on the process of engaging with the Equality and Diversity team to academic colleagues, friends and family and to all those who contacted me out of interest, and received various feedback. I am in the process of reflecting upon what I received. The irony is that I think it is the job of the Equality and Diversity team to do, and their paid staff. I leave it to you to reflect upon that within your position of privilege and ask yourself, especially if you are working and paid by the university to enhance student experience through teaching and Ph.D supervision as such what would be your role and contribution to advance this discussion.