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The mask over my vulnerability

Jessica Blain Photography click here
The past five months have been absolutely erratic.
I started a new job. Simultaneously, I started to organise a festival with my activist friends
I had a clear vision of what I wanted to do with my job. Unfortunately, I shot myself in the legs.
My supervisors and I fell into the trap of mistrust, conflict and all the rest of it.
I became uncontrollable. The more they were trying to send me in one direction, the more I wanted to go into the opposite. I did not control my reactions. I wanted to get control back. The more I was trying to, the more I was alienating our relationships. I felt that I could not share the way I feel because I thought they were intolerant towards my vulnerabilities. I shut down my feelings, joy, anger, fear, happiness, love in their presence. It appeared to be the easy option but it revealed itself to be the harshest. What could I possibly know? My main escape was to join the extremism of activism by working only on the festival. the only space where I felt I belong. But I could not work as productively because my mind and my heart were hurt. 
How could I possibly connect with people with a different life experience than mine when I felt so uncomfortable with being my true self in front of them? 
They gave up. Finally, they stop trying to control me. I have my space again. Very easily the truth appears in front of my eyes. Now I know what to do, where to go for the sun to shine again above me. I am hoping we will reconnect if I have to courage to take away the mask that covers my scars.



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