Ph.D journey - each year has been pretty special

I have one year left to finish my ph.d. My topic is on the factors influencing consumers to repair small electrical products. It is linked to this concept called the circular economy. It take a pro-conservation lense as opposed to a pro-growth  focus. but you will soon understand after reading how the three years went that it is all a mirage.

My first year was special. I organised a festival. It was called the Green Festival of Making and Mending, here in Leicester. It was the birth of me. a painful birth but nevertheless worth it. I was trying to manage as best as I could my voluntary activities with university. I was trying to find my voice in this mess called the literature review. It was a struggle but I manage to get there eventually.  I believed that all humans can acquire new skills and flourish by working together. It is through this mean that we can make our time here better and help generations to come to live longer and safer on this planet. I wanted to organise more events to bring people together, more courses, more knowledge transfer, more more more.

My second year was special too. I got married. It was in Paris with the sweetest thing I have ever met. I crawled at first, took few steps, fail few times to walk during this year. Oh man, wedding can be stressful. Yet, how beautiful I was when I walked down that aisle. A beautiful woman and my groom the most beautiful thing I ever seen. I had a voice, I could walk and I felt wonderful. Nothing could possibly stop me on my way. I felt so much love and care from the people around me. It was magical. I never wanted it to stop, we should be together all the time. I wanted to organise more parties and events to feel the love I received once more, more, more, more.

I am now in my third year. It is, it will be special too. I got a news. My father has been diagnosed with lewy body dementia. My world crumbles. I am asking myself: what is my ph.d about again?
I have been told to be strong and the best way I could help is by keeping the machine going, stop feeling sad, be strong, finish your ph.d, get a job, keep going, live more more more and forget about old age, loneliness, illness and death. forget about who you are, a mere mortal that care for those he/she loves, focus on what you can have, a life full of illusions 'money, fame, good reputation, more more more'.
Oh man, what is the purpose of the machine? can we just pause it for second and have a re-think. I just want less of all to be with those I love a little bit more.