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And if i am unable to control ny emotions

If I am unable to control my emotions, what shall I do about it?
Am I really just a bad person, a crazy person, an hysterical person to just get angry sometimes. Am I just someone to give up upon? Shall I just stay alone so that I ensure that I hurt no one. Shall I just stop talking so I ensure I hurt nobody. Shall I just disappear so everyone can get on to get the life they always wanted to have and be with people who never get angry sometimes.
I feel like I am so undeserving of anyone love. I destroy everything I touch. My heart is so broken with disappointment in myself. I feel like there is no way out.
Whatever I do, I am constantly reminded how disappointing I am as a person.  even trying to fake what I am does not work, the real me -emotional, outrageous and angry- always comes out and wreck everything. How can i trust others if I cannot even trust myself, my actions, my judgement? I am constantly reminded how blind, unaware,unconscious of the reality around  me?
I want peace.
I want peace.
I want peace.
I want to be happy with who I am.
I want to love what I am and do
I want to forgive myself for it all.
I want to open my heart to the possibility of being a more loving person.
I want to find out what the world is really about by travellong and meeting new people?
I want to trust that everything happens for a reason.
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