Scared to change - the opposite is true part 1 #relationships #opposite #truelove #fear

I fear losing relationships.
For those reasons, I can be controlling, manipulating to keep them and/or I can also be deceiving and rejecting people so I do not have to go through the heartache of losing them.
It makes me quite indecisive in the way I deal with others. Shall I play along or shall I not?
The unfortunate thing is that I also act out of fear with parts of myself. I do not allow myself to evolve because I am scared of what will emerge, I am scared that the real me will create havoc in people lives and make it worse, I am scared of myself. So I choose deliberately to be small, insignificant, ugly, unreliable, poor, untrustworthy, lazy. I do love to be all those things. It is safer for everyone, Yet, weirdly enough, it also makes me unhappy that I am not meeting some of partners expectations. I am losing those relationships, I am closing doors to opportunities. Those who believe that I am so much more than what I chose to be. I create Havoc there.
It appears that I am never going to make anyone happy anyway.
The only person that I can make happy is myself.

Read Part 2